


Amnesia

by WestEndWhirlwind



Category: Bat Out Of Hell: The Musical - Steinman
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2020-01-16 16:40:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 4,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18525478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WestEndWhirlwind/pseuds/WestEndWhirlwind
Summary: When Raven wakes with amnesia, Strat doesn't know what to do. He's lost everything.





	1. Raven

I blinked slowly, watching the blurred edges solidify into people. Mom...she looked worried. Why? I was fine. My head was throbbing a little - maybe I'd slipped and hit it on something. Zahara was leaning over me and dabbing my temple with a wet cloth. There was a boy, too - wild blond hair, electric blue eyes.

"Mom?" I croaked, and started coughing.

"Raven, honey, just breathe. I'll wait for you." I took a deep breath and started again.

"Mom, where am I?"

"You're at the Deep End, honey. You're okay. You hit your head pretty hard, but Strat brought you here when he found you." I looked over at the boy - he must be Strat.

"Thank you," I murmured. He looked at me worriedly.

"Raven, are you...do you know what happened?"

"No. I don't remember anything before waking up here."

"Can you recognise all of us?"

"Of course. You're my mom - Sloane." I pointed out each person as I spoke. "Zahara - you're my...maid." I bit my tongue. Mom probably didn't know Zahara was part of the Lost.

"And...him?" Mom pointed to Strat.

"That's Strat." I must've said something wrong, because her eyes began to water.

"What can you tell me about him?"

"He...um...he...he saved me?" I bit my lip as her eyes welled. "What? What did I say?" I cried. Strat crouched down next me, pain clearly displayed in his gaze. "I'm sorry, I don't remember!" I cried, tears beginning to roll down my face. He pulled back, his expression closing off. "Wait! Please, don't leave! Strat! I...I'm sorry!" I called after him, but all he could do was shake his head wildly, sprinting out of the room. A few minutes later, the roar of a motorcycle tore through the room.

"Raven, sweetheart. We should get you home." I nodded, and mom led me out of the Deep End.

 


	2. Strat

_I drove by all the places we used to hang out getting wasted_   
_I thought about our last kiss, how it felt the way you tasted_   
  
  
  


The motorcycle roared down the silent city streets, and I remembered what had happened last time Raven had left me. That had nearly gotten me killed - in fact, I'm pretty sure it had.

I snapped myself out of my reverie and stopped the bike before I could get in another major accident, and found myself back at the cliff where I'd originally died. I stared down at the cobalt waves that crashed against the rock and imagined hurling myself into them. The water filling my lungs, the bitter taste of salt on my tongue, my vision slowly fading, my cold body no longer burning. I couldn't lose Raven. Not again.

_A beautiful, dark-haired girl was lying on her bed, now awake. Strat hadn't expected her to wake. He'd meant to kiss her and escape into the night. She'd tasted exquisite, like sparks and love and fire. She was staring at him now, gazing through him. "The sea is watching the sky. The sky is watching the sea. Nothing will ever happen. NOTHING WILL EVER HAPPEN."_

_"Something will happen." His voice echoed through the room, and_ _the silence that followed was deafening_ _. "I'm Strat."_

_"I know. How did you get in here?" It was more inquisitive than scared. Strat answered the only way he knew how - honestly._

_"Need."_

_"Need? Me?"_

_"Absolutely. You."_

_"Why me?"_

_The rapid-fire exchange of words came to an abrupt halt as he considered the question. She was beautiful, but no more so than some of the other Lost girls he'd slept with. She certainly wasn't anything like the boys he'd been with. She seemed delicate, less...hot, than the Lost. He could hear her heartbeat from across the room - slow, steady. She wasn't frightened, even though there was a stranger in the room._

_No - not a stranger. She was wearing his shirt. His lips quirked into a small smile. So she WAS the girl he'd seen at the riot. Falco's daughter was wearing the Lost leader's shirt. The irony tasted delicious in his mouth, and he rolled it around his tongue a bit. He slowly realised he needed something from her - he couldn't put it into words, and then he suddenly could._

_"Trust me...How can I make you trust me?" The words escaped his lips before he'd even finished the thought. She laughed, a glittering tinkle of bells._

_"I don't think you can." He had to have her trust, as surely as he had to have her._

_"Can I try?"_

My eyes opened, and I was surprised to find silvery tears slipping down my face. I hadn't cried since Tink's death. My promise was carried across the wind, carried to a new horizon.

"I'm going to save you, Raven. I'm going to get your memories back. If it's the last thing I do."

 


	3. Raven

_And even though your friends tell me you're doing fine_   
_Are you somewhere feeling lonely even though he's right beside you_   
_When he says those words that hurt you, do you read the ones I wrote you_   
  
  


I couldn't stand it. Every time I drifted back into the hell that my consciousness forced me to play through, I saw my mother and Zahara standing over me with sadness in their eyes. I didn't want their pity, didn't need it. I stared up at the ceiling and refused to eat, barely slept. All I heard about that was "she's doing it again" - Zahara. So I'd done this before. How long had that lasted? A week? A month? A year?

A soft knock sounded at the door. "Raven?" My father.

Falco entered the room cautiously - this was the first time I'd seen him since I came back.

"What do you want?" I asked. He'd always kept me so sheltered, and I was sick of it.

"You remember Conner, don't you?" Of course I remembered Conner. We were childhood friends, and his parents were the closest to second-in-commands that my parents had, which had kind of forced our bond.

"What about him?" I grumbled. I didn't want to hear about him right now.

"He's here. I thought he could cheer you up." I wanted to scream. Conner wasn't what I wanted right now. What I wanted was to know why Strat had been so important to me...why everyone seemed to know him but me, and why that seemed to hurt him the most.

"Why don't you head down to the main room? Conner's waiting for you there, and he's missed you terribly. He's nineteen now, just a year older than you. He seems poised to take over his father's company in a few years, and who knows? Maybe he'll surpass my expectations." My father continued his praise of my childhood acquaintance, but I couldn't have cared less. I'd go meet with Conner to appease him, and then maybe I'd get a couple of hours to myself for once.

My hair had been braided, and I was wearing a fresh pink dress. I felt like a doll...and maybe I was.

I turned a corner and froze.

The boy standing at the edge of the stairs was _not_ Conner. He couldn't be. Conner was annoying, a little too standoffish. He was attractive, but in that way that told you he knew he was better than you. This Conner was...elegant. His chestnut hair fell in curly waves down his neck, and his grey-green eyes caught the light. His suit was beautifully pressed, and he stood like he could understand that although this place wasn't under his command, he still ruled the very air.

"Raven!" His stoic expression broke into a smile as he caught sight of me. I couldn't do anything but stand there. "Raven, it's so good to see you! Why, I haven't seen you since we were both children. How have you been?" I wasn't about to answer - how could I? _Oh, I've been simply perfect. I have amnesia and a boy that haunts my dreams._

"I've been better." The words sounded stilted, and Conner's eyes scrunched a bit.

"Oh, amnesia. Of course. I'm terribly sorry for your loss." I couldn't tell if he was being sincere or not. This new Conner was much harder to read. _Dammit!_

"Raven, your father told me of the arrangement, and I must say I'm quite pleased." _Arrangement?!_

"What arrangement?" I fought to keep my voice steady.

"Why, the engagement, of course. Your father thought it was high time for you to take a husband." A flash of white - wild blond curls bouncing above a grinning face, a ring on my finger, a passionate kiss.

I jerked back like I'd been burned.

"Conner...I can't...it's too soon..." He caught my hands in his.

"Raven, I understand that you're still getting better, but just...think about it. We don't have to get married right away. If you wanted to start slowly, we can do that too."

I smiled slightly and brushed away the blond vision. Conner was here in front of me now, and for all I knew, the blond boy didn't even exist. Why shouldn't I give Conner a chance?

"A date sounds perfect, Conner."

 


	4. Strat

_Sometimes I start to wonder, was it just a lie  
_

_If what we had was real, how could you be fine?_

_Cause I'm not fine at all_

 

I couldn't tear my eyes away from the photo. Sloane stood before me, a look on her face that I couldn't describe.

"Strat, I'm sorry. Falco didn't tell me, and by the time I found out...it was too late." I traced the contours of her face slowly, disbelieving. She sat across from a boy, smiling. They were holding hands, and I hadn't seen her look this happy since I'd been with her.

"It's fine."

The words echoed dully through my head.

"Strat -"

"Leave me _alone!_ "

Sloane looked startled, but nodded and left. I walked outside and spotted Zahara.

"Strat, are you -?" I didn't let her finish. I grabbed her roughly and pressed her lips to mine, desperate to feel something, _anything_.

Zahara pulled away, eyes wild.

"Strat, this isn't right! Raven -"

"Raven isn't here! She doesn't remember me anymore! What do I care?!" She grabbed my wrists and held me.

"Strat, going back to who you were before Raven is not going to help. Do you even remember what you were like?!" she pleaded.

"I was stronger. I didn't have to care about who I stayed with because I never stayed for long. I didn't have to worry about getting hurt, or hurting anyone..."

"Strat, that you was violent. Passionate and loyal, but violent. Raven made you a better person! She showed you that love is possible, and she -"

" _She broke my heart!_ " The words tore out of me, and I crumpled on the ground. Tears fell from my eyes as I all of the pain I'd kept locked up spilled out. Zahara knelt down and touched my shoulder.

"Strat, she's broken. She doesn't remember. She needs you to be there for her. Please, don't abandon her. If you still care for her -"

"Of _course_ I care for her. I love her." The admission was angry, but not as hot as it had been.

Zahara sighed, pain in her gaze. "If you still care for her, _fight for her_."

The fire that had gone out was reignited. My heart beat against my ribs, and I stood. "I'm not letting go that easily."

Zahara smiled.

"Then we'll need a plan."

 


	5. Raven

_I remember the day you told me you were leaving  
I remember the makeup running down your face_

 

I thrashed in bed, tears streaming down my face. Locked inside my dream, I couldn't stop myself from reliving every painful detail.

 _The gunshot echoed across the room, and Raven froze. He'd aimed at Strat...what if..._ no _. Tink fell to the ground, scarlet rivers gushing out from underneath him. Strat lunged for him and caught him right before he hit the ground. Raven approached slowly, shocked._ _"Strat? Strat!"_

_"Get away from me." It was quiet. So quiet, Raven almost didn't catch it. She tried to reason with him, wanted to stay. She wanted to be there for him. "But...but..."  "GET AWAY FROM ME!" The howl tore through her soul to her very bones. Tears welling in her eyes, she backed away slowly, crushed by the venom in his voice. With one last look at the heartrending scene, she turned and fled._

"No!" The scream ripped out of my throat, and I curled into a ball. Sloane came running in, panic written across her features.

"Raven! Raven, honey, what's going on?! What's wrong?!" I hugged the pillow to my chest and sobbed.

"I didn't mean to hurt anybody...I didn't want to...he has to know I never wanted..." The words caught in my throat as I sobbed, and my mother came up to the bed.

"Who, honey? What's going on?"

"Tink...he died...it was an accident..."

A breath caught in my mother's throat. "You remember Tink? Can you remember anything else?"

"He was yelling at me. I wanted to help, but he told me to get out. He wanted me to stay away from him..."

"Who, Raven?"

_"I don't know!"_

Sloane took my head in her hands and held me close. "Shhhh, Raven...it's going to be all right..."

 


	6. Strat

_And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them  
Like every single wish we ever made_

 

"Okay." I stood up slowly. "I have to find a way to get to Raven. Maybe if I could just...no. It won't work." Zahara grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me hard.

"Not an option, Strat. Now get off your ass and put your brain to work." I crumpled up the paper and hurled it across the room.

 _"Nothing is working!_ Falco locked her window, the entrances are heavily guarded, and I don't know what to do!"

Suddenly, Sloane burst into the Deep End.

"Strat!" She was out of breath, and Zahara ran to catch her before she collapsed.

"Sloane, what is it? What happened?"

"Raven remembers. Not much, but she remembers."

My world shattered all over again. "How much?"

"I don't know. I had to comfort her - she was crying. She woke up screaming and I thought she was being stolen. I ran into her room, but she was screaming about how it wasn't her fault, how he chased her away, how the boy that got shot was an accident."

I felt like I'd been shot myself.

"Tink? She remembers...Tink?" I bit my lip and swallowed the pain that threatened to resurface.

"Specifically, she remembers his death. I think the pain of losing you and him at the same time must have triggered something. I don't know exactly what triggered the memory, but...she's coming back."

I breathed in slowly, not allowing myself to hope.

"But she hasn't tried to come see me."

"I don't think her memory's progressed that far, Strat. I'm sorry."

Sloane reached into her pocket and produced a silvered envelope.

"I also thought I should give this to you. Falco hasn't told Raven yet, but she likely won't take it well." She looked over her shoulder and turned. "I have to go. Take care." She took off down the tunnel again, leaving me holding the envelope.

"You'd better open it, Strat." Zahara placed a hand on my shoulder and squeezed. "Whatever happens, I'll be here."

My hands shook as I slowly opened the envelope. A piece of cardstock was inside. I read the words with an increasing feeling of dread filling my stomach. 

_You are invited to the wedding of Raven Falco and Conner Delancey._

_Date: June 15, 2118_

_Where: Falco Towers, Grand Ballroom_

_With utmost pleasure,_

_Falco_

_No._ This couldn't be happening. My world spun as I fell to the ground, Zahara's voice echoing through a tunnel.

"Strat!"

 


	7. Raven

_I wish that I could wake up with amnesia_   
_And forget about the stupid little things_   
_Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you_   
_And the memories I never can escape_   
  
  


I blinked slowly and startled to find my room bustling with servants.

"What the - what's going on?" I flagged down the nearest servant.

"We're preparing for the festivities, Miss Falco," she explained, slightly breathless.

"What festivities? I don't remember anything..."

"Your wedding! We're all excited. Conner will be here in a few hours, so we must have you prepared before then -"

"My _wedding_?!" As the words sank in, my world spiraled in on itself and faded to black.

_"You have such a beautiful reflection. Don't ever waste it." She kissed him again, reveling in the fact that they were finally together._

_When they broke apart, Strat propped himself up and asked, "You've started dreaming again? For real?" She had to take a moment to consider._

_"I don't know. It's not how I thought it would be..." He cupped her face in his hands._

_"Don't be afraid." She smiled._

_"I'm not. I know who I am, and I know what I want."_

I bolted upright, panting.

"I can't marry Conner." My father glared at me.

"Raven, sweetheart, I know this is all very sudden -"

"No! I've already been married, haven't I? There was someone else!" He drew back, eyes stormy.

"Conner is going to be here in an hour, and we need you ready before then. Don't forget, we're having a dance before the ceremony itself. Make yourself presentable." He stormed out of the room, slamming the door for good measure.

I stood silently as servants dressed me up, coiling my hair into an elaborate braided bun and dressing me in fiery silks. They drew ebony wings on my eyes and blushed my cheeks to hide the paleness that had overtaken me. When they were done, I simply dismissed them.

I _had_ been married before, and for all I knew, I still was. I couldn't go through with this with a clear conscience -

"Raven." I jolted up as the familiar voice shattered my reverie.

"Conner!" Would it really be so bad to marry him? He was nice enough to me, and eventually...who knows?

"Are you ready?" I took a deep breath. Whoever I had loved in the past was gone. I didn't remember him, and if he remembered me, it was unlikely he would do anything to get me back if he hadn't already.

"I'm ready."


	8. Strat

_The pictures that you sent me they're still living in my phone_  
I'll admit I like to see them, I'll admit I feel alone  
And all my friends keep asking why I'm not around

 

I looked at the crumpled picture. We'd taken it soon after we'd gotten married. It was right before we played a trick on Sloane (which she hadn't appreciated much - turns out only the Lost consider a dog pile a form of affection), and we'd gotten a candid shot thanks to Zahara.

"Ouch! Do we really have to do this?" Zahara slapped my hand away from my hair.

"Absolutely. I've lived with the Falcos for years. I have attended every single party they've thrown. Everybody's hair is completely flat. Which means your curls need to die." She yanked the comb through my hair again, and I winced.

"I do _not_ want to see a mirror until this party is over," I ordered, and all she did was laugh.

"Oh, Strat...this hair is going to be the least of your problems." I felt my curls bounce back into place. _"What the hell?!"_

It was my turn to cackle.

"Sorry, Zahara. Looks like my curls are as hard to kill as me." I heard what sounded like a spray-can shaking behind me. "Oh, you wouldn't dare -"

"Desperate times, desperate measures. But I can't say I'm not going to enjoy this." I coughed as a cloud of floral smoke enveloped my head.

"Z-z-zahara! I'll get you for this!" I hacked and coughed, trying to remove the stench from my system.

"Hairspray. Easiest curl deterrent in the world." She yanked her comb through my hair one final time, and met with no resistance. "Seems like your hair is remarkably easy to kill, Strat." With a smirk, she tossed the can aside. "Now for the clothes."

_"No!"_

Two hours later, I was staring at myself in a mirror and trying not to gag. My leather jacket, tank, black jeans and boot look had been replaced by a fancy black suit and some sort of shiny shoes that felt like they were crushing my feet.

"Zahara, my feet are killing me."

"You walk around in platform boots for the aesthetic, Strat. I'm not taking any of that shit from you." The worst part? My hair. Where golden curls had bounced beautifully only hours before, a flat plain of ashy blond hair greeted my reflection. 

"This is a travesty. I can have you thrown out of the Lost for this!"

"I'd like to see you try."

"You didn't even let me keep my makeup!"

"Shut up and go rescue Raven."

Invitation in hand, I left the Deep End and walked through the front doors of Falco Towers. _This had better work._

 


	9. Raven

_It hurts to know you're happy, yeah, it hurts that you've moved on  
It's hard to hear your name when I haven't seen you in so long_

 

I entered the ballroom as quietly as possible, staying to the shadows. My father had insisted on a masquerade ball, and had chosen to present me as a phoenix. I knew Conner was here somewhere as a crow; my father had told me. What an original choice. Crows were simply uglier ravens.

When the first dance was announced, Conner appeared at my side, all black feathers and honeyed smiles.

"Come, Raven. Aren't you excited?" I forced a smile.

"Of course, my love." We _'ll love each other in time. We will._ I kept repeating the mantra to myself. Eventually, I could believe it - Conner and I would love each other. We could be happy. We danced together to the music, a soft melody that drifted through the ballroom.

_I'm not scared of the dark_   
_I'm not running, running, running_   
_No, I'm not afraid of the fall_   
_I'm not scared, not at all_   
_Why would a star ever be afraid of the dark?_

I sighed. Of course Conner and I would be happy together. Who else could I share my life with?

When the dance finally ended, we broke apart slowly. He kissed me lightly, and I smiled.

"I'll see you for the ceremony soon, my love." Then he disappeared into the crowd.

I turned to leave the floor, but my hand was caught by someone else's. I turned and gasped. The stranger was dressed as a fox.

"I'm sorry, can I help you?"

"Could you spare me a dance?" That voice...it was familiar.

"I don't know...I'm not really supposed to dance with anyone but my betrothed -"

"Does that rule apply to the other half?" The stranger indicated Conner, who was dancing with a pretty young swan. My eyes narrowed, and I grabbed the fox's hand.

"On second thought, I'm feeling in the mood for another dance."

"Do you trust me?" I froze. A bedroom, a boy, a plea just like this.

_"What?"_

The question came slower now, quieter. "Do you trust me?"

"Show me I can."

He guided me to the dance floor, and we twirled around each other gracefully. The music began again, a tune I felt I'd heard before.

 _But I don't know how to leave you_  
And I'll never let you fall  
And I don't know how you do it

_Making love out of nothing at all_

We were in the centre of the dance floor, suddenly. In the eye of the storm. The fox's lips grazed my ear, and I shivered.

He whispered, "On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?"

Fire. Fights. Gunshots. Heat. A motorcycle ride into somewhere amazing. Strat. _Strat._

 _"Strat!_ " I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him. I felt him laugh against my lips.

"I'll take that as a yes."

"I'm about to get married." The reality slammed back into me. "Strat, I'm about to get married."

"Shh! No one can know I'm here."

"Fine, Mr. Fox...we need to stop a wedding." His lips curled into a smile.

"Exactly my kind of night."

 


	10. Strat

_If today I woke up with you right beside me_   
_Like all of this was just some twisted dream_   
_I'd hold you closer than I ever did before_   
_And you'd never slip away_   
  
  


I wanted to laugh. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted to do all three at once. _Raven remembers me._ She remembers me, and she still loves me. She wants to break off the wedding with Conner because she loves me too much. I let her go, and she melted back into the crowd. Not two seconds later, she appeared onstage, a fiery siren.

"Attention, please!" She whipped her mask off. "I am Raven Falco, and this was originally supposed to be my wedding ball." Whispers started among the crowd. "However, there's been a change of plans." She held out her hand towards me, eyes sparkling. _Well, screw Falco. He might as well know I'm here._ I sprinted towards her, grabbed her hand, and pulled myself onstage. The crowd gasped. I ran my hands through my hair, which bounced back immediately. _That's better._

"Raven and I are already married, which means she won't marry again. She's mine, and anyone who tries to take her from me will have the demons of hell to deal with." I looked over at her and wanted to sweep her away right there. "Now, if you'll excuse us, I believe we have some catching up to do." I swept her off her feet and carried her right past the open-mouthed Conner. I did the only reasonable thing to do in this sort of situation - stuck my tongue out and flashed a rock 'n roll. He turned white.

"Let's get out of here." She smiled at me, and I'd never felt happier in my life. "I promise, nothing will ever come between us again." She kissed me slowly, and when she finally pulled back, she smiled.

"I'd like to see someone try."

 


End file.
